1

Ranch Hand K. Jacob

Verse 1
Ballerina, cheerleader
From U of Kentucky
She played the horses
You know she got lucky

Bentley ride
Lived up in the Hills
Investment banker types
Never give her thrills

Chorus
She didn’t keep a secret
‘Bout her type of man
She liked him hard, horseback
Dirty and tanned

She chased cowboys
Like city girls chase bands
She’s the beautiful rich girl
Who liked the ranch hand

Verse 2
Working boys stopped
When she showed up to ride
Those boots, tight pants
That horse by her side

Her legend grew
Across cowboy land
She covered cowboys
Like the ocean covers sand

Chorus
She didn’t keep a secret
‘Bout her type of man
She liked him hard, horseback
Dirty and tanned

She chased cowboys
Like city girls chase bands
She’s the beautiful rich girl
Who liked the ranch hand

Bridge
She rode ‘em hard
She put ‘em up wet
She ate cowboys for breakfast
Lunch on Sunset

Many have seen her
Others hold out hope
Every day they go to work
Every time they throw a rope

Chorus x 2
She didn’t keep a secret
‘Bout her type of man
She liked him hard, horseback
Dirty and tanned

She chased cowboys
Like city girls chase bands
She’s the beautiful rich girl
Who liked the ranch hand


2

My Redneck Neighbor K. Jacob


3

The Crazy Ones (Are The Best In Bed) K. Jacob

Verse 1
She’s been to Indy, Super Bowl
Vegas on a private jet
She’s Gucci, Prada
But, can’t afford to pay her rent

Guest list, VIP
Her good looks are currency
Crystals, candles
Don’t bring up astrology!

Chorus
Xanax, Codeine
Effexor & Vicodin
Lexapro, Wellbutrin
She goes to sleep on Ambien

If you haven’t heard
A thing I’ve said
The crazy ones
Are the best in bed

Verse 2
New York, Miami
She moved out to LA
Restaurants, nightclubs
Has no money for valet

Aspen, Hamptons
A Kentucky Derby bet
Theories, conspiracies
But, she can’t name the President

Chorus
Xanax, Codeine
Effexor & Vicodin
Lexapro, Wellbutrin
She goes to sleep on Ambien

If you haven’t heard
A thing I’ve said
The crazy ones
Are the best in bed
Guitar!

Verse 3
Saline, silicon
Always on her damn cell phone
Medical marijuana
Her script filled in Tijuana

DUI, takes a cab
Checked herself out of rehab
Charities, ya, she looks fab
Parties on a rich man’s tab

Half-Chorus
If you haven’t heard
A thing I’ve said
The crazy ones
Are the best in bed

Bridge
I’m not a doctor
But, it’s easy to see
Crazy’s got someone in common
And, God knows it’s me

I must not be perfect
How arrogant of me
To think that I may not be
C-R-A-Z-E-E

Outros
Have you heard the one about her lesbian friend?
The crazy ones are the best in bed

She tells stories that never end
The crazy ones are the best in bed

I have no idea what she just said
The crazy ones are the best in bed

If you haven’t heard a thing I’ve said
The crazy ones are the best in bed


4

18 Holes & A 12-Pack (feat. John Daly) K. Jacob